Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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