I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
