I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
