Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..