Define "chronic" masturbator.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!