I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom