You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor