No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
