I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
