watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
