my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
