Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
