no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
