I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
