just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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