I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
