we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
