I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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