He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
