It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm bleeding and have questions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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