I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
