I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
