My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
