clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
