I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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