the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
