i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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