are you so shy because you have an std?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
