I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
