So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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