At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am naked and annoyed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
