She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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