I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
