I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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