Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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