god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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