tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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