May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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