Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Text me some of your sweat
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
