And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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