So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
