he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
