you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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