After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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