grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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