What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
