omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish I only lived at night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
