Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
