this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
