I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
