As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
