If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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