I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
