She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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