This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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