that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
