THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
