You work out of a Hotel?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
