Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
