new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
