I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And then he peed in my hair
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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