I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
