dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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