Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
