I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
