All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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