i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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